What if we don't need more self-help?

“Our culture is obsessed with self-help. But self-help isn’t helping us with the questions of our shared life. We need group help.” — Priya Parker

Today’s quote comes from Priya Parker, whose Substack Group Life continues to shape how I think about leadership, connection, and community. If you haven’t read her book The Art of Gathering, it’s one of my all-time favorites on how to host with purpose and create meaningful moments—at work and at home.

Here’s a bit more of what she shared in her opening post:

We live in an age of personal optimization: apps and devices to track our habits, books on productivity and mindfulness, podcasts about hacking our bodies. But we have fewer tools for group help — how to strengthen the vitality of our teams, clubs, friend groups, extended families, and communities. We devote endless time to cultivating the self, but when it comes to our groups, we just hope and pray for the best.

If you know me, you know that I reject leaving what happens among us to chance. I believe that to avoid the loneliness, fragmentation, and hyper-individualism all around us, we need to become more literate about the health of the groups we belong to.

That line stopped me in my tracks. We need to become more literate about the health of the groups we belong to. Yes.

At Allie Jones Consulting, this belief runs deep. How we gather matters. Whether it’s a board meeting, a client check-in, or a community roundtable, the way we design our time together shapes how seen, safe, and supported people feel—and how effective we can be.

This morning, I joined a Zoom with Priya where she shared practical ways to create “psychological togetherness” in virtual spaces. It was such a timely reminder that we don’t have to leave meaningful connection to chance—even on Zoom.

So I’ll leave you with this reflection:

What have been your favorite gatherings—big or small—and what made them feel meaningful?

Comment below. I’d love to hear.

P.S. If the meetings, one-on-ones, board retreats, and other gatherings at your workplace are feeling lackluster or filled with tension, I'd love to help! Set up a call with me to brainstorm how we can add some more Art to your Gatherings!